He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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