your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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