who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
