We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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