shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
MIDGETS
????
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
