yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
