At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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