I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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