I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
