OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
