Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
