Sober January is a disaster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
