Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
