He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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