I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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