its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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