We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm always down for nudity.
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