That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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