We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
