3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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