It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
