My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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