we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
