pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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