did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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