You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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