Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
