I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
