Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
