i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
