a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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