insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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