Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
