When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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