Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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