I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
