too bad you live with your parents still
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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