I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
