I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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