soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
