I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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