I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
