I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
