I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
