I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
