She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
