Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
