I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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