gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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