my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
