My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Enjoy the penises
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
