I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
