I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
