i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
