3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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