i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
