so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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