Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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