She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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