I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
