Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
