I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
