wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
