If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
