'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
