im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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