I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
