why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pants are for mortals
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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