We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
