We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
