New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
