Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
